12/13/14
It’s been 8 years since I graduated from the University of Pittsburgh. My college experience was far from typical. It all happened so fast. One minute I’m applying to schools, tossing around different career ideas, the next I am knee deep in adulthood, depression and being told I need to make all these decisions about a life I know nothing about. After transferring colleges 3 times, 2 years of deep depression and almost getting expelled, I crossed that stage and got my degree. There were times when I wanted to just drop out, become a full-time stripper and travel the world. But being a conditioned adult living this “American Dream” I could not, not complete the mission. The pressure to do well in school and get a degree was so high and still is for young adults. College was so glamorized, yet no one would shine light on other options that were available. Trade schools, travel, starting a business; those are all paths that do not require a degree. You know I’ve never actually showed my degree to any employer when applying for a job. Not one person has asked to see my degree that I worked so hard for!
College was a struggle, and I knew there was more to life than following the cookie cutter path of getting a degree, working for someone, starting a family..blah blah blah. By the time I finished school, I knew my life was going to be completely different from my peers’. I did not know what exactly was to come, but I knew my life was going to be unique and unconventional. After college, I moved to New Zealand because I needed space to think. I needed space to fuck up, explore and reset my brain from all the conditioning I had learned up until that point. I met so many young people fresh out of high school on their gap year just figuring their shit out. I was amazed at how young some of my friends were. In America, we send our kids to college right after high school. In other parts of the world, kids leave home to travel before making heavy, life decisions about a career path. Do I regret my college experience? Not at all. No regrets, just reflections. Do I recommend that others take time after high school to learn who they are without the pressure of choosing a career path? Hell yea!
I returned to the US in 2017 and began using my degree in Psychology. By 2019 I was applying to graduate schools. I got into Palo Alto’s Master’s in Mental Health Counseling program and was due to begin in 2020. Then the world shut down and so did I. After all that work of applying, writing essays and getting references, I realized I did not want to be anyone’s counselor anymore. 2020 put a lot into perspective for a lot of us and I am so glad. Instead of graduate school, I moved to Los Angeles and just existed. I explored LA even though many of the county was under strict COVID lock down. I rested, smoked a lot of weed and racked my brain to find out who I really am and what I really want. I realized we are never really asked our ‘why’. Why am I here? What is my purpose? And how do I go about finding out those answers?
I don’t believe I was put here to make some grand thing happen. I truly believe I was put here to exist, enjoy and love. That’s it. Nothing crazy. After I let go of that need to define myself by my job title, things got easier. I became happier and more motivated to exist, enjoy and love. The last 8 years have been amazing, messy, wild and unconventional af and I wouldn’t want to live any other way.
Here’s to existing, finding our why and living an unconditioned life!
